#Marriage: Why #Women Leave #HuffingtonPost

6 Reasons Women Leave Their Marriages, According To Marriage Therapists

“So many women don’t feel seen, heard or validated in the relationship.”

Women considering divorce often turn to therapy as a last-ditch effort to save their marriages. Many times, their husbands have remained painfully unaware of the marital problems until that point, said Christine Wilke, a marriage therapist in Easton, Pennsylvania

“That’s exactly why good communication skills are such a key ingredient in a healthy marriage,” she told The Huffington Post. “So many women don’t feel seen, heard or validated in the relationship.”

Below, Wilke and other marriage therapists share the most common reasons women file for divorce. (We also recently asked them to share the most common issues men bring up before initiating divorce. Read that here.)

1. They feel taken for granted and overly responsible for the relationship.

For a marriage to work, both spouses need to show up. It requires attention, effort, intention and strong communication. At the end of the day, many wives take stock of all they do for their families and wonder where their spouse has been, said Kristin Davin, a psychologist and meditator in New York City.

“These women feel they carry the weight of the relationship, do most of the emotional work and constantly have to find new and novel things to do to keep the relationship alive,” she said. “It gets frustrating when they don’t receive equal (or close to equal) care in return. After a while, they say, ‘why bother’?”

2. They keep having the same argument with their partner.

Many couples in marriage therapy have had the same argument about the same issues for years. When their needs continue to go unmet, mutual resentment grows ― a factor that is lethal to a relationship, said Olga Bloch, a marriage and family therapist in Rockville, Maryland.

“When women feel like they’re unable impact change, you start hearing statements like ‘You never listen to me’ or ‘your apologies are hollow and mean nothing,’” Bloch said. “This is particularly difficult if there is an addiction involved. Eventually women give up on the relationship and begin to look for a way out because staying no longer is an option.”

3. They’re not satisfied with their sex lives.

For most couples, sex is a good barometer for the general health of the marriage. When women complain about their sex lives, there’s usually greater problems outside the bedroom, Davin said.

“Wives in sexually frustrating marriages feel exhausted and emotionally starved,” she said. “Or sometimes the issue is: can the couple be affectionate with one another without it always leading to sex? Sexual intimacy can easily become an issue that drives a wedge in a marriage.”

4. They don’t talk and emotionally connect with their husband like they used to.

Many long-married women are driven to divorce because they no longer feel emotionally tied to their partners, Wilke said.

“In fact, I’d say it’s the number one reason women leave their marriages,” she said. “This issue in particular makes an unhappy spouse so much more vulnerable to having an affair and looking for that connection elsewhere.”

5. They’ve outgrown their partners.

It’s inevitable that people will grow as individuals throughout the course of their relationship. It only becomes a real issue when they grow apart and one partner is resistant to reconnecting, said Anne Crowley, an Austin, Texas-based psychologist.

“As a marriage changes and evolves, it’s not uncommon to hear a wife tell her husband ‘I feel like I’ve outgrown you’ ― especially if they’ve had kids,” Crowley said. “Often the wife has invited and encouraged her spouse to go to therapy, to bridge that gap. If he’s resistant, it creates an impasse for the couple: The wife does not want to continue to repeat the same unhealthy patterns and he wants to maintain the status quo.”

6. They get to the point where divorce is the only way to put themselves first again.

Often, longstanding issues like addiction or uncontrolled anger will simply push women over the edge, said Winifred Reilly, a marriage and family therapist in Berkeley, California.

“What I hear again and again is that they would rather end their marriage than face another day, week or year with their spouse and troubling issues that never get better.”

After enduring the behavior for so long, many wives realize they don’t deserve to live with tension and disappointment day in and day out.

“Sometimes, despite their love, commitment and best roll-up-their-sleeves efforts to stay married, people just reach a point of no return and choose to split up,” Reilly said.

Read More from the Huffington Post

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Improve #Sex In Your #Marriage

Improve #Sex In Your #Marriage

JP-LOGAN-Marriage-Sex-Improvement

As a divorced man, you are 39 percent more likely to commit suicide. Even if you don’t kill yourself, you will die younger. And forget chasing tail; your mobility also suffers from singlehood.

Oh, and yes, divorce crushes your finances: A study of divorced baby boomers found that a split slashed their wealth to less than a quarter of what they would’ve had if they’d never wed at all.

So we’ve collected 25 tips that can protect you from the sickly, cash-poor, single life. Save your marriage before it’s too late!

(To see how much work your relationship really needs, check out How Strong Is Your Marriage?)

1. Assume the Best Explanation for What She Did, Not the Worst

Think of an annoying thing she does that you regularly misinterpret. Psychologists call this a “maladaptive attribution.” Then stop it. You can improve your marriage simply by thinking about it differently; choose the kindest possible interpretation for her actions instead of the ugliest.

2. Take the Zero-Negativity Challenge

How many days this month can you go without doing or saying a single negative, hurtful thing to your partner? Give it a try, suggest Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D., who’ve written 10 books on relationships.

You can strike sarcasm off the list too. In the words of Terry Real, the author of The New Rules of Marriage: “Sarcasm eats intimacy.” Your words matter. Measure them.

3. A Foot Massage Works Wonders; A Head Massage Works Miracles

RELATED: How to Pleasure a Woman—the complete guide to becoming a master lover!

4. Don’t Make a Complaint. Make a Request Instead (Politely!)

5. Write Her a Letter—On Paper

A University of Denver study of soldiers found that exchanging letters with their wives had a more positive and long-lasting effect than texting did.

6. Watch This Sex Video

“Makeup sex” doesn’t solve a fight, and latent anger can be a lust killer. Sit down together and watch family therapist Michele Weiner-Davis’s TEDx talk “The Sex-Starved Marriage” on YouTube.

Even if you’re not exactly starving, this video can help stoke hunger now and forever.

7. Don’t Try to Fix Her Problems—Just Listen to Them

“Men are conditioned to solve problems and to protect the women they love,” says couples therapist Shiri Cohen, Ph.D., an instructor at Harvard Medical School.

“This can backfire when all she really wants is to be heard,” she says. “The next time your mate needs to vent or complain, just give her your open ears.”

If you think you do have a good solution, wait and bring it up later during a separate conversation.

8. Sweat with Her, Then Hop in the Shower Together Later. It’s Healthy!

For 20 years, Thomas Bradbury, Ph.D., and Benjamin Karney, Ph.D., of UCLA’s Marriage Lab, followed more than 1,000 couples to evaluate the different ways partners support each other in their efforts to make important changes in their lives. Bradbury says he was amazed that the most common topic—coming up in about seven out of 10 couples—was that they wanted to change to a healthier lifestyle.

Their book, Love Me Slender, shows couples how to work together to maintain healthy weights. A new large-scale British study seconds that: “Men and women are more likely to make a positive health behavior change if their partner does too,” the authors note. Get started today with The Best Workouts to Do with a Partner.

RELATED: The Best Workouts to Do with a Partner

9. Look Past Her Flaws (Don’t Try to Eliminate Them)

“Look above the things you find annoying or unpleasant,” says Douglas LaBier, Ph.D., a psychologist based in D.C. “Respond to the best qualities in her—which will always make her best side stronger.”

10. Tell the Kids to Shut Up While You Two “Connect”

“A measly 15 minutes,” says William Doherty, Ph.D., a professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota. These kinds of “connection rituals” hotwire your whole life together. So do it.

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2015/09/16/25-ways-to-fix-sexless-marriage/

DIVISON – The Destruction Of Family,Relationships And Business

DIVISION- When Everyone Wants Things Their Own Way, No Clear Leadership, and No Desire To Follow. A House Divided Against Itself CAN NOT STAND.

Strategic Life Lesson 110: “Di-Vision” by ++Joshua Paul
You can not build any type of relationship whether it be personal, business, or ministry if you allow division to into the equation. “Successful Relationships” are built upon the UNIFYING of two Visionaries, with “like” vision, shared goals, pursuing the same desired outcomes and destination. “DI-VISION” = is the result of two Visionaries whose sight and perceptions are set on different outcomes, and their actions and objectives continue to point in different or opposing directions. “Di-Vision” = will ALWAYS destroy a relationship of any kind.

Inspirational-Quotes-via-JP-LOGAN

“A VISIONARY” – must be STRONG enough to maintain and guard the Kingdom Vision God has given him or her with their life. The Visionary, must be strategic in choosing any and all business partnerships in Ministry, Marriage, or Entrepreneur Business Partnerships. Based on Kingdom principles you as the Visionary must identify, and avoid “Di-Vision” or those who operate in the spirit of divisiveness. You must also warn all those tied to The Kingdom Vision that God has given you, to avoid all parties who cause or operate in divisive ways.
Mark 3:24-27 (KJV) 24 And if a kingdom be divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. 25 And if a house be divided against itself, that house cannot stand. 26 And if Satan rise up against himself, and be divided, he cannot stand, but hath an end.
27 No man can enter into A STRONG MAN’S house, and spoil his goods, except he will first bind the strong man; and then he will spoil his house.
Mark 3:20-30 (MSG) 20 Jesus came home and, as usual, a crowd gathered—so many making demands on him that there wasn’t even time to eat.
21 His friends heard what was going on and went to rescue him, by force if necessary. They suspected he was getting carried away with himself.
22 The religion scholars from Jerusalem came down spreading rumors that he was working black magic, using devil tricks to impress them with spiritual power. 23 Jesus confronted their slander with a story: “Does it make sense to send a devil to catch a devil, to use Satan to get rid of Satan? 24 A constantly squabbling family disintegrates. If Satan were fighting Satan, there soon wouldn’t be any Satan left. (25 26)
27 Do you think it’s possible in broad daylight to enter the house of an awake, able-bodied man, and walk off with his possessions unless you tie him up first? Tie him up, though, and you can clean him out. 28 “Listen to this carefully. I’m warning you. There’s nothing done or said that can’t be forgiven.
29 But if you persist in your slanders against God’s Holy Spirit, you are repudiating the very One who forgives, sawing off the branch on which you’re sitting, severing by your own perversity all connection with the One who forgives.” 30 He gave this warning because they were accusing him of being in league with Evil.
“Di-Vision” – we are in a season where we must review and analyze our partnerships, and confirm that we are still tied to the same goals, objectives, and destinations. If your Visions are causing “Di-Visions” that have been declared irreconcilable, we must develop the courage to swiftly dissolve the partnership and seek  business partners that share the same Kingdom Vision.
Romans 16:17-18 (KJV) 17 Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them. 18 For they that are such serve not our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly; and by good words and fair speeches deceive the hearts of the simple.
Romans 16:17-18 (MSG) 17 One final word of counsel, friends. Keep a sharp eye out for those who take bits and pieces of the teaching that you learned and then use them to make trouble. Give these people a wide berth. 18 They have no intention of living for our Master Christ. They’re only in this for what they can get out of it, and aren’t above using pious sweet talk to dupe unsuspecting innocents.
“Your business IS your LIFE, and your life IS your BUSINESS!” Learn to invest your live wisely, and always continue to check that it is profitable, what is your ROI (Return On Investment).

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Love Don’t Cost A Thing by Kim Taylor

This morning out of a sound sleep God woke me saying, “My Love doesn’t cost a thing” as a matter of fact I “Gave” my only begotten son for your Love & Salvation.  The very “Essence” of God and the creator of “love” gave his children a “checklist” of does & don’ts regarding Love.  This list(1st commandment) Love Unconditionally; and He stated what was and was not He also said “love one another as I have love you” which seems simple because He loves us even when we don’t deserve it.

True Love

He reminded me of an article I’d read a few months ago of a wealthy businessman who sued his wife for having ugly children.  My first thought was, you’ve got to be kidding!  The judicial system has stooped to a new low, the world has become absolutely insane; since when did the judicial system become so trivial that money & time is wasted on this kind of foolishness.  Not only did he sue her but, his suit was granted.  Really!!!!  We’ve taken a very simplistic commandment from God and re-written it to suit our own desires and/or requirements; a list of everything that has nothing to do with Love.  They’ve even gone as far as requiring that a potential mate do a financial portfolio of their financial status before even considering a possibility of even entering into a marital agreement.  Now, relationships are base on income; well that almost guarantees a large portion of the population won’t qualify for marriage.  God said “Love conquers “All”.  If we would go back to His original & first commandment we would not only save trillions of dollars but; we’d have some amazing and successful relationships and the word “divorce” would be stricken from the records.  We’ve taken the simplest standard(Covenant) of loving & living granted by God and pimped & prostituted it for “things”; that were never instituted into the foundations of the world.  I’ve never participated in a marriage counseling session but I think for those that teach on the subject of marriage; the first thing on the list of discussion should be “What did Jesus say regarding “Love and Communion”.  Not only would it not cost “you” a dime but you would be operating in an “Entrepreneur” status and everything that would result in a successful union.   So, my closing remarks would be that of God:  Go forth; Subdue & Take Dominion, Love WILL conquer ALL.  Love you’s.

Kim Taylor

By Kim Taylor

Live-and-Love-JP-LOGAN

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Doing Good To All By Carolyn Hopkins

INSPIRATIONAL MESSAGES:  DOING GOOD TO ALL By Carolyn Hopkins

Brothers and Sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently.  But watch yourself, or you also may be temped. Carry each other’s burdens and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.  If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.  Each one should test his own actions.  The he can ta…ke pride in himself, for each one should carry his own load.  anyone who receives instruction in the word  must share all good things with his instructor. Do not be deceived; od cannot be mocked.  A man reaps what he sows.  The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.  Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will  reap a harvest if we do not give up.  Therefore, as we have opportunity, lets do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. (Galatians 61-10)
JP-LOGAN-Motivational-Quotes
Galatians 6:1-10 (KJV) 1  Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. 2 Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. 3  For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself. 4 But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. 5 For every man shall bear his own burden. 6  Let him that is taught in the word communicate unto him that teacheth in all good things. 7  Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. 8  For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. 9  And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. 10 As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith. By Carolyn Hopkins

Inspirational Quotes